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March 31st, 2007

12:12 am: "You don't know me and you don't even care"

Well, it has most certainly been awhile. Thank you to my amazing college friends, (David, Amanda, and Betsy) for the advice. I think I have almost forgiven. Almost. I am so close, it is kind of exciting. And a big thank you to Dylan for the advice, Julie for the understanding, and Jessi for the down-to-Earth example. Sorry it has taken me so long, you all know how life gets sometimes.

Softball is going well, I am playing Varsity this year, very exciting, I know. So you all must come watch a couple of games. At least one. I will post a schedule as soon as I get one. I may not be pitching, but I think he will at least put me in outfield. Just as long as I learn how to bat. *sigh* I am not that awful...

Sometimes I just have this feeling that people can actually never really change. I want to believe it, oh I want to believe it so much. I suppose at least one person has made me believe in the theory that people can change, and I am just so proud of her. She does not know it, but I am. The person I want to change the most though, he is trying. I hope he is trying anyways. Change is not always a bad thing, change may just be what some people need.

Have a great spring break all you highschoolers =D 

I know I will - babysitting everyday. Making up for the $130 I spent at the mall today... =D

Much ♥



Current Music: "Boston" - Augustana

February 27th, 2007

07:58 pm: *sigh*

I do not understand. Not a bit. Not one thing has ever, in my life, made me cry more than this. Not one. Christianity is something I thought I had a rather clear understanding of. You read the Bible, you talk with God, you go to Church, you always do what is right, you set an example for others. Honestly, what more is there? Although I can oh so plainly state the obvious, there are many little things one must do to become a Christian. And it is not easy. But why call yourself a Christian if you are not. If you make no absolute attempt at the blatantly obvious ways to begin to achieve Christianity in any way, shape, or form. Just going to Church and reading your Bible and talking to God are not enough things to get you into Heaven, let alone call yourself a Christian on Earth. How can someone's actions be just so much different than their beliefs? Some people, I have believed to be good Christians. I have often wanted my relationship with God to be as close as theirs seemed to be. What happens behind closed doors though, is another story. Oh how my opinion can change of one person so greatly, just by one single event. One event that should have never happened. One event that I can not get over. One event that I need to forgive but am finding a hard time finding a reason for forgiveness. One must truly want forgiveness to recieve it. Forgiveness is not handed out, it is worked hard for and earned. Why do you deserve forgiveness? At this point in time, I can honestly tell you that you do not deserve it. Not one bit. What you did was wrong. What you did hurt me beyond the point that I can take. What you did made me cry small puddles, hours at a time. Practically one whole day. You do not deserve my forgiveness. Being forgiven will take time for you. I tried to make you understand, but I need to try harder. 

*sigh* I figured I would post something like this, getting the general idea out of my situation, wondering if someone could help. I know many of my amazing college friends, those who I do not get to talk to often, would read this and give me some sort of advice. More of the story may possibly be told if needed... But going into details is a rather depressing matter.

Thanks =D



Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: "Pardon Me" Incubus

January 21st, 2007

12:13 am: Should be sleeping...


Current Music: "Your Smile" Toby Keith

January 6th, 2007

12:54 am: AHHHH!!

Ya got me.

Ya'll got me.

:-P

Thank you soooooo much for the party.. food.. decorations... movie.... everything. 

Thanks also to those who couldn't come, these things happen.

YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!!!!

And none of this would have happened without the help of my bestest buds, Britt, Brynn, and of course, Jessi.

Thanks for the TWO DOZEN roses Adam... they were gorgeous.

The healing ball (otherwise known as a tennis ball) from Dani.

Beautiful letter "A" and the amazingly scented candle // candle holder from Jill.

Pictures tomorrow?

I think so.

=D

Te amo

<3



Current Music: "Open Your Eyes" Snow Patrol

January 4th, 2007

04:42 pm:

Happy Birthday to me!! =D

Thank you to EVERYONE who gave me cards, wished me happy birthday, everything! It was amazing! I love you all!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3



Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: "It's About You" - Train
Tags:

December 20th, 2006

11:47 pm:

Current Music: "This Everyday Love" - Rascal Flatts

December 19th, 2006

08:04 pm: J... Extended.
Jessi ~ While searching for things that I like starting with the letter "J", I failed to remember my most favorite person, Jessi. She has always been there for me for the past 12 years, and I don't know what I would do without her. Well, I know what I would be doing actually -- Failing math, being a nervous reck, never doing the right thing, never telling my true feelings to anyone, and never being crazy to the extent of laughing till I feel like dying. I love her dearly and I could not live without her.

December 17th, 2006

08:19 pm: "J"

So Andrea gave me the letter "J", aaaaaaaand here goes.

Jokes ~ So no big surprise, I like jokes. I love to smile, so much that Amy's dad has nicknamed me "Smiley". After 4 years of braces // retainers I do have to say that my smile is quite a good one for jokes.

Joplin ~ He wrote this rag piece that I am playing on piano - Elite Syncopation. Which brings up the point that I love piano. Plus this guy told me Joplin's whole life story today at some piano thing I went to today. Which kind of confused me, because I did not play any of his music.

Jumanji ~ This used to be our "code word" so I never got kidnapped. I wasn't quite sure why, personally I thought my mom was crazy to think I would go wish some random person to begin with, plus I never rode in a car with anyone but her or my dad. My theory was that she just liked the movie.

Josh Gracin // Josh Turner // Jack Johnson ~ Gotta love 'em all. Seen Josh Gracin in concert and he walked through the audience and touched my hand. Josh Turner's voice is deep and sexy. And Jack Johnson is just plain amazing.

That was hard. If I think of any more I shall tell you.



Current Mood: stressedstressed

December 3rd, 2006

06:06 pm: Hmm.

I just realized.

I am not afraid to love someone. 

I am afraid of loving someone who does not love me.

What a concept.



Current Music: "Bring Me Down" - Miranda Lambert

November 23rd, 2006

06:58 pm: Everything's changing...
Isn't that just the cold hard truth. Time changes, seasons change, weather changes, clothes change, fads change, food changes, friends change, classes change... and most importantly, people change. Cold hard truth. You will change. Your friends will change. You will (most likely) not like it. There's not much you can do it about it. Deal with it is basically all you can do. Except for yourself. You control yourself. Make sure you are changing for the better.

So this day is all about being thankful and thanking, and that is what I shall do.

~Jessi~ For the past 12 years you and I have been best friends. I couldn't ask for a better friend. You are always there for me, giving me a helping hand when needed and a kick in the face when needed as well. You keep me on the right path, helping me make the right decisions, always making me laugh, giving me chocolate.... You know the rest. I'll have to make another note for you after a while =D We haven't hung out in a while though... I miss you. We should change that. Hope you are having fun in Chicago. I'm praying for you.

~Brittney~ Sports brought us together, and now there is nothing that can break us apart. Through thick and thin we've been bestest buds, and you've always been there to look out for me. Complaining about all the idiots in the world, listening to country, being hick.... We have just about everything in common and I'm so greatful I have you for a friend. I have some of your stuff too... =D Don't worry you'll get it back. We need to hang out anyways. Doing anything tomorrow?

~Brynn~ Yeah so I didn't ilke you when I first met you... That's what boys'll do to yah, right? =D Now we're best of friends. I love you mucho and since we started our special Wednesdays, we have gotten so much closer. You have always been there, giving me the best advice for all my boy troubles and helping me through hard times. Sorry I bang on the door when you are trying to pee, you know its funny  ; D And I'll be working at Little Ceasars soon, so I can get you 5 dollar pizzas all the time... hahaha... All the memories we have together and all the ones to come. Tomorrow. You. Me. Brittney. Sound like a plan? I'll call you.

~Adam~ So it took me a while to realize I like you. Whatcha gunna do bout it? =P Enjoy every minute of it, that's what. I know for sure I enjoy every minute I am with you. Putting up with me is no easy task, but I'm glad you've decided to at least try. You always seem to make me laugh, even though I can't make you laugh that easily. But don't worry, I'll do something stupid enough that'll make you laugh so hard you'll cry soon enough. Don't you worry. I'm so glad that you enjoy sitting at my piano and listening to me play music... I love playing musci while you're with me. And I love iteven more when you try to play my music ; D you aren't that bad! Promise! Thanks for always being there for me... Te amo <3

Lately I've been noticing the things around me - Such as sunrises, sunsets, stars, trees.... Little things. God has made this world such a beautiful place. I'm glad that I can enjoy it so much.

I'm extreamly thankful for the girl who called me from Little Ceasars. Yup. Thats right. I have a job interview on Saturday at 2:30. I'm so excited. I wish I wasn't so nervous though. Oh well. I reaaaally hope I get a job there. That would make my day.

And all you other people who make my life just wonderful. Whether you just say "Hi" to me in the morning, help me with my homework, compliment me, notice when I'm feelin' down... I have so many amazing people in my life. If you have any contact with me in any way, shape, or form, you have no idea how extreamly thankful I am for you. Thank you for making my life the wonderful life it is.

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